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| Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined. | | Science and Religion | | |
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| Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her. | | Love and Hate | | |
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| Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out. | | Success and Failure | | |
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| Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case. | | Science and Religion | | |
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| I am so evil that heaven won't take me and hell is afraid I'll take over. | | Vice and Virtue | | |
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| I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life. | | Life and Death | | |
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